Self-Esteem & Identity
What if the person you're hardest on is yourself?
You make a mistake and think about it for days.
Someone gives you a compliment and you immediately explain why you don't deserve it.
You achieve something you've worked toward—and instead of feeling proud, you wonder when someone will realize you're not as capable as they think.
Low self-esteem doesn't always look like a lack of confidence. Many highly accomplished people carry a relentless internal critic with them everywhere they go.
You might recognize...
Feeling like you're never quite good enough
Constantly comparing yourself to other people
Discounting your accomplishments
Feeling uncomfortable receiving praise
Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes
People-pleasing
Difficulty saying no
Feeling responsible for keeping other people happy
Imposter feelings
Harsh or critical self-talk
Shame about parts of yourself
Relying heavily on achievement or approval to feel worthwhile
Where does self-esteem come from?
How we see ourselves develops over time.
Family experiences, friendships, culture, relationships, criticism, rejection, achievement, social expectations and difficult life experiences can all influence the beliefs we develop about who we are and what makes us worthy.
Therapy isn't about convincing yourself that you're perfect.
It's about developing a more balanced, flexible and compassionate relationship with yourself—one that doesn't collapse every time you make a mistake or someone disapproves of you.
How therapy can help
You may work with your therapist to understand the origins of self-critical beliefs, notice the situations that activate them, question old assumptions, practise setting boundaries, develop self-compassion, take meaningful risks, and begin separating your worth from your performance.
Over time, the goal is for your choices to be guided less by "What will make me good enough?" and more by "What matters to me?"
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”